Trial and Error

Yesterday, a few of us friends met after quite some time. It was really very invigorating, to roam on the T-Nagar streets aimlessly, to gen-enthu crash into Naidu Hall for water and AC there, generally sit in there gossiping and pretending to be looking at the skirt collection, make a friend try out utterly ridiculous clothes in the trial room and take snaps, sit on the iron bench on the platform licking softie and cracking jokes about strangers and their clothes n all, remembering and quoting funny n stupid nostalgic incidents. I realized that my life had come to a total standstill, a huge mundane meaningless void.

I waited for a really long time in the terminus for my bus thinking all of this. I felt really mad at myself for having landed there, where I was, and told myself that I was the only one who could save myself from sinking further into the emptiness, and I simply HAD to spice up my life, at least a little bit for the starters. There were other buses coming in and going out, with school/college punks making a huge racket and climbing on the running buses. There it was right in front of my eyes, something I could do, or atleast try. I was as good as any guy, not too fat, not too old, and not too stiff either. So, I finally found a bus to get on, and decided to wait till the bus started and get on after that! Afterall, I was alone; no parents/sis/friends with me, who would tense/freak/snigger at my attempt. Even if I embarrassed myself, I would be only in front of total strangers who I might never see, like ever again! So… I did it! I mean, tried getting on the running bus.

First attempt: total failure. The first step of the bus seemed to be too high for my legs to reach and the hold was slipping. People had spotted what I was trying. Some loki perverts were cheering, while some adults were keeping a what-the-hell-is-she-thinking face.

But then, I heard my own voice in my head. “ What the hell female?!? How difficult is this? If you are going to fail at this, then you clearly deserve to be in the boring mundane void space for the rest of your life and definitely deserve to be in called ‘anty’ by tat one-year-old-neighbor-kid.” That was it.

Second attempt: SUCCESS!! Ruling out the wild appreciating cheers by some and highly disapproving frowns by others and the throbbing pain in my arms and nicely hit legs & toes, I completely succeed in getting into tat running bus!! :D Now this was something I had never dared to risk or never been allowed to do by the accompanying person. There! My life was not as mundane as I thought afterall!!

I came home, smiling widely, much to the pleasure of my parents. But I become conscious of the blunder and the painful after-effects of my ‘enthued experimentation’ only today, and got appalling feedbacks from various parts of my body. Every time I walk, my damned head now groans and says, “Awww…. That damned bus!! You knew I was blabbering, having stayed in the scorching sun for a really long time! Why-o-why did you have to listen to me?”

So I have decided 3 things:
1. I might be as good as a guy in most of the stuff, but getting on running busses is definitely NOT one of them.
2. My brain doesn’t die like in stroke when exposed to scorching sun for a really long time; it just tries TO KILL ME!!!
3. No matter how many gimmicks I do, that kiddo next door is going to call me anty nevertheless!! So might as well accept it and never let it come near!! :P

Whatever!

Pain.. is when some stranger standing in front of you gives some bloody bullshit reason popularly termed as RECESSION, but really tells you that you are just not good enough, after the 5 years of battle with huge books and numerous tests and useless assignments and meaningless projects. But what is even more depressing is when you have to tell yourself that may be he is darn right and that you ARE not good enough! Oh! Don’t give me that crap on optimism, confidence, hope and all that! It would be really easy for people to spill words of consolation to boost confidence and all, but its just not the same- standing in the battle field, and talking about it watching news on TV. Most of the times, the so called ‘great-people’s sayings’ n ‘motivational quotes’ don’t even make any sense. They just seem like Joey’s thesaurus words! These quotes irritate you so much when uttered at the wrong times, that you would want to kill the person who says them. Anesthesia is given before any painful invasive process to numb the sense organ(s). Pessimism is a type of anesthesia too. It is way easier to face a series of rejections shamelessly and digest the screams of one’s inner self with pessimism and negative attitude rather than hope and optimism. Damn all those right decisions that went wrong! Talking about wrong decisions, I wish I were born two years before or two years after! Being born when I actually did- man! What a disastrous decision(just not mine) that was!

Oops I did it again!

Well, I feel like a total scumbag; a rotten egg; no, a bucket full of filth! I feel like pulling out all my hair, banging my head on a wall contaminated with fungus, screaming out so loud into a mirror on looking at myself that the mirror would shatter into pieces, n running around a tree in the speed of light so that I could kick my own ass. I forgot a friend’s birthday!

I am really really sorry R. I didn’t really mean to do it, rather, not do it. Wishing you I mean. No A; whatever I did to you wasn’t the same. In your case I DID remember that it was on December 14^th. Only, I didn’t remember on December 14^th that it was indeed, December 14^th. It was on 15^th that someone mentioned the date when I said “Shoot! It was 14^th yesterday then?!?" n I called u immediately. But here, I totally forgot that it was R’s on 26^th!! How sadder can I be??? I have totally lost it! I never usually forget B’Days of anyone! Infact it is usually me who reminds people! n D!! I shall never forgive you for having reminded everyone else except me!!!! Grrr…

Well R darling. All I can say is you have the full permission to shoot me down the next time you see me, but yes, more importantly, Belated B’Day wishes from an idiotic me, n may your year ahead be filled with wonderful celebrations n joyous moments!!! U know what i mean [;)]!!!