Who the hell are you?!?

When 2 people meet, there are 3 possibilities:

1. Neither of them know one another, in which case they just walk away without any problems (mostly, I think..)!
2. Both of them know each other and wish/greet/acknowledge their familiarity.
3. One knows the other but the other way.

The third case, I believe, is very common these days, and frequent in my life. At such times when we get to meet or are obliged to make conversation with someone who happens to know us, and yet are strangers to us, what the hell are we supposed to say?

Usually if it’s a relative and I can roughly guess who they are looking at the people around them, I fake an all-knowing-and-understanding smile and talk about general stuff, politely inquire their health/wellbeing and before I get caught, I get the hell out of there. In such places, the words ‘aunty’ and ‘uncle’ helps loads!

However, what happens if they just call out of the blue and you happen to pick up the call up? Or they knock on your door when you are alone at home and you open the door?

In the first case, I usually just ask who they are and then if they mock at me about not knowing them, I just make up stories like poor transmission or voice not clear or instrument fault or simply say that I was sleeping before the call!

In the latter’s case, what I tend to do is give a non-committal smile and look at them with polite, yet mild surprise. Smart people who can actually tell that the poor dear standing opposite doesn’t recognize them, they introduce themselves and all will be fine.

Nevertheless, there are also some stupid people, who don’t understand the mind expressions or gestures, and wait for US to initiate. I try asking them very courteously, “Uh.. hmm..Sorry.. But who are you?” Again, people with even a little decency tell who they are, may be some identification, explain some relationship or from where they are. The others, I guess, are just too dumb take the cue. Some (idiots) pose riddles, while others (fools) demand, ”Why? Don’t you know me?”

Now wait a minute! What the F do they think? If I had known who they were, WHY THE HELL WOULD I EVEN ASK’M? Such dumb acts only lower their own dignity and self respect, I say! And to these half-wits, I just can’t help replying with fake-patience-plus-light-sarcasm, “No… No I don’t! So, again, Who are you?!?”

If they still refuse to answer the out-right question, the only possible thing that can be done, is shutting the door on their faces to show that they were definitely not recognized and their dumb-wits were certainly not entertained!!

Wrong Attitude?!?

Navaratri time, loads of relatives to visit. Since I am agnostic (more of an atheist these days), it doesn’t mean much to me. But I usually hate this time of the year.. the whole festival in general; though it’s a pretty vibrant atmosphere with hyper-active people buzzing around various colorful idols and all. There are two main reasons.

When I was young, I was sent to classical music lessons, probably right from when I was three. I used to learn it sincerely, practice it meticulously. As I grew up, so did my self-consciousness. But my parents, being ‘parents’, couldn’t see this, and continuously encouraged me to sing in public, in front of relatives and especially in ‘Navarathri/Dassara’ times when they all met up in everybody’s houses and young girls were made to sing to ‘God’ while they sat around staring at the poor embarrassed creature, commenting about her, her voice, her skills, compare it with every other ‘budding singer’ whom they had come across while the little singing girl would be secretly wishing to disapparate from there and apparate in the North Pole.

Years of experience in such singing-in-front-of-people embarrassment and hundreds of arguments and fights with parents and millions of curses from them, I quit classical music with a lot of hatred and aversion to both singing and Navarathri days and as a bitter disappointment to my parents since I had failed to fulfill their dream! But at least they don’t force me these days since I am much older and I tend not to stick around them much when the old ‘music’ topic is rekindled.

Second reason is stronger these days, which is being with curious gossipy ‘know-it-all’ relatives who judge anyone who thinks differently and bitch about everyone who does not follow their rules. Today’s get-together proved to be enjoyable mostly; until they all started discussing the topic I hate the most- marriages. They were discussing about how one of my cousins, 26 now, was weeping a whole day refusing to take a man’s hand, who was more than 7 yrs elder than her and who wanted her to leave her job here in India and move to US as his ‘house-wife’. Educated male chauvinistic bastard is what I would call him. Then when I started saying that it actually made sense, and that it was her call and people should mind their own business and not emotionally blackmail her, they all started targeting me!

There is a family friend, well educated girl, marrying an American colleague and so all of her relatives are abandoning her and her family. She fell in love with him and decided to tie the knot with him despite the hell of objections because she was so damn frustrated with her religion and caste’s pathetic ridiculous superstitious beliefs in horoscope and her birth-star being unpopular for girls and bringing ‘bad luck’ to the groom and his family and the grooms in her caste demanding 6 lakhs as dowry.

In fact another reason she is doing this is because her life is more comfortable with him than it probably would be with any South Indian, and especially, any guy of her caste. He, being an American, believes that his wife has her own life, understands concepts like ‘privacy’, and most importantly, in sharing daily chores like cooking, washing plates & clothes and cleaning and shopping, and takes equal part in it with pleasure, which most of the guys here would certainly fail to oblige!

To this, my paati(grandmom) went on about how women are responsible for all these and they shouldn’t trouble men with them and how women are born to cook and clean and serve men and how men should be manly and just earn, eat and sleep. When I said otherwise, I realized it was a mistake simply coz I had no one to back me up. I was a single person up against all the stereotype elders who now started sniggering at my ‘attitude’. Finally, I just gave it up when my mom was giving me murderous looks and they too ended with a conclusion that my parents were going to have a really difficult time in looking for ‘a suitable guy’ for me and that when they do find a ‘match’, they should probably not let me talk to him before marriage coz then, I might scare him away with my ‘equality attitude’ and ask him if he knows cooking or likes cleaning and might just never get married!!

And now I am so damn pissed with all this nonsense but decided that all I could do at present was avoid relatives when they start talking nonsense stuff, give up on trying to figure out a way to jump to Jupiter and not worry about my future and simply enjoy House MD!

Cameron: "Men should grow up."
House: "Yeah, and dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not going to happen."

Yeah... I do love him!