Monday, September 21, 2009

Wrong Attitude?!?

Navaratri time, loads of relatives to visit. Since I am agnostic (more of an atheist these days), it doesn’t mean much to me. But I usually hate this time of the year.. the whole festival in general; though it’s a pretty vibrant atmosphere with hyper-active people buzzing around various colorful idols and all. There are two main reasons.

When I was young, I was sent to classical music lessons, probably right from when I was three. I used to learn it sincerely, practice it meticulously. As I grew up, so did my self-consciousness. But my parents, being ‘parents’, couldn’t see this, and continuously encouraged me to sing in public, in front of relatives and especially in ‘Navarathri/Dassara’ times when they all met up in everybody’s houses and young girls were made to sing to ‘God’ while they sat around staring at the poor embarrassed creature, commenting about her, her voice, her skills, compare it with every other ‘budding singer’ whom they had come across while the little singing girl would be secretly wishing to disapparate from there and apparate in the North Pole.

Years of experience in such singing-in-front-of-people embarrassment and hundreds of arguments and fights with parents and millions of curses from them, I quit classical music with a lot of hatred and aversion to both singing and Navarathri days and as a bitter disappointment to my parents since I had failed to fulfill their dream! But at least they don’t force me these days since I am much older and I tend not to stick around them much when the old ‘music’ topic is rekindled.

Second reason is stronger these days, which is being with curious gossipy ‘know-it-all’ relatives who judge anyone who thinks differently and bitch about everyone who does not follow their rules. Today’s get-together proved to be enjoyable mostly; until they all started discussing the topic I hate the most- marriages. They were discussing about how one of my cousins, 26 now, was weeping a whole day refusing to take a man’s hand, who was more than 7 yrs elder than her and who wanted her to leave her job here in India and move to US as his ‘house-wife’. Educated male chauvinistic bastard is what I would call him. Then when I started saying that it actually made sense, and that it was her call and people should mind their own business and not emotionally blackmail her, they all started targeting me!

There is a family friend, well educated girl, marrying an American colleague and so all of her relatives are abandoning her and her family. She fell in love with him and decided to tie the knot with him despite the hell of objections because she was so damn frustrated with her religion and caste’s pathetic ridiculous superstitious beliefs in horoscope and her birth-star being unpopular for girls and bringing ‘bad luck’ to the groom and his family and the grooms in her caste demanding 6 lakhs as dowry.

In fact another reason she is doing this is because her life is more comfortable with him than it probably would be with any South Indian, and especially, any guy of her caste. He, being an American, believes that his wife has her own life, understands concepts like ‘privacy’, and most importantly, in sharing daily chores like cooking, washing plates & clothes and cleaning and shopping, and takes equal part in it with pleasure, which most of the guys here would certainly fail to oblige!

To this, my paati(grandmom) went on about how women are responsible for all these and they shouldn’t trouble men with them and how women are born to cook and clean and serve men and how men should be manly and just earn, eat and sleep. When I said otherwise, I realized it was a mistake simply coz I had no one to back me up. I was a single person up against all the stereotype elders who now started sniggering at my ‘attitude’. Finally, I just gave it up when my mom was giving me murderous looks and they too ended with a conclusion that my parents were going to have a really difficult time in looking for ‘a suitable guy’ for me and that when they do find a ‘match’, they should probably not let me talk to him before marriage coz then, I might scare him away with my ‘equality attitude’ and ask him if he knows cooking or likes cleaning and might just never get married!!

And now I am so damn pissed with all this nonsense but decided that all I could do at present was avoid relatives when they start talking nonsense stuff, give up on trying to figure out a way to jump to Jupiter and not worry about my future and simply enjoy House MD!

Cameron: "Men should grow up."
House: "Yeah, and dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not going to happen."

Yeah... I do love him!


  1. House Rocks Baby!

    hi-fi! join the club

  2. Many things you mentioned are social conditioning and large number of people still thing this is the way to be.

    May be slowly we can bring change. Even a small change is good than no change.

  3. @ : yeah! think i m falling in serious love with him! he rocks big time! taken sarcasm to a whole new level!

  4. @ solilo: but its gonna take a lot to even try to made the ignorant people to even understand! d best thing would be to leave the system like the friend i referred to did. afterall, we only have one life..

  5. hi AV,
    I try to reason with my mom on these... My dad gets angry if I tell my mom that everyone should wash their own dishes after having food... She doesnt help by insisting that she should clean these.... (if the maid is not there..)
    I think leaving the job and moving to US as a housewife is a better option.... Gradually the woman can find a job there once she starts venturing out... Btw, women are no clean sould themselves! I know of a woman who came for a wedding proposal - she was like, "I'm all for chivalry, but I expect the man to earn and the maid to cook n clean... And my hubby should gimme money to spend and take me abroad once a year for vacation...." I was thinking, "and your contribution is to get fat and lay on ur back when he gets home....!"... I think such women should marry a south indian who demanda 6 lack of dowry and beats his wife with a stick (no offence to any south indians...) (the stick should be less thick then the thumb...) :-)

    U have good views.... I like house too! You should also try watching Scrubs, 2 and half men and Boston Legal! Awesome shows...

  6. No wrong in calling 'those' type of males as male chauvinistic bastards. I buy in.

    Don't know when the thought "male and female are freaking equal in everything" is going to change :(

    Seriously, there is a HUGE generation gap between us and our parents. Worstest.

  7. hmmm.. i do really feel sorry for u.. !!! u ve opened ur mouth @ the wrong time , in front of wrong ppl to talk abt a wrong topic.. :( .. if i wer u i wud ve vented out my frustration abt this male chauvinistic society wen only my parents wer around.. they are the ppl who matter the most..(ultimate a avunga thane mapla paaka poranga :P assumin tht u havent decided a mapla for urself yet )

  8. yeah the average indian relative is probably not gonna change for a long time to come...

    and there's as many educated, unemploy(able)ed females who're looking for rich husbands as there are "educated male chauvinistic bastards", balance there.

  9. @ spike: lol!!
    btw, i scrubs doesnt interest me much wen compared to house in d medical grounds.. but it definitely is a good entertainment. but 2&half men is somethingi dont even find funny or even amusing!
    loads more to watch tho.. :)

  10. @karthick: "Don't know when the thought "male and female are freaking equal in everything" is going to change.." y d hell do u want it to change? don understand!

  11. @ viki: somehow, even tat doesnt make me feel better.. i mean parents looking for a guy.. the very idea of looking for one, i feel, is ridiculous and pathetic and horrifying!

  12. @ rahul: sigh.. i guess u r right on tat! i do hope those unemploy(able)ed females end up with the educated male chauvinistic bastards so that they both enjoy killing and being killed! :P

  13. Scrubs is just a comedy... house delves more into medical stuff.. Just as Boston Legal is more into legal stuff while maintaining a sarcastic undertone and being obnoxiously funny... Which ones do u recommend? Some of my colleagues recommend 30 Rock, but I fail to see the hype...

  14. he he.. then look for one urself.. n then convince ur parents.. :P

  15. @ spike: house, house n just house!!

  16. @ viki: lol.. even today went to a family friend's love marriage.. mom n dad both wre tellin me how sad it made her parents.. like i was at d verge of running away!! btw d guy looked cool! :P

  17. Well Well well, how come I didnt see these posts of yours !!! about 4 posts for me to read and comment !!! How the hell did this happen !!! Anyway, better late than never !! I guess you stopped commenting and these days, I enter the links when a comment comes in !!!

    Anyway, parents are the same everywhere !!! We think they arent orthodox, but when it comes to issues of marriage, they suddenly become pious and society conscious !! :D :D :D Relaxx, and thats all I got to say ! :D :D

  18. @ vimmuuu: lol!! u c.. i was in hibernation mode for the past couple of months.. :P
    neways, parents are truly the same everywhere!!