Deserved Respect

Today I fired my servant maid. Not a great start of the day, is it?

The conversation touched a topic that I have always found very unfair and irritating.

She took up another house’s work at my time slot and told me she cannot come before I go to the office anymore. The reason she gave is that the people who had asked her to do the work were older than her, and hence out of respect, she could not deny. Apparently, they are older than her, hence it is her duty to do whatever they ask of her, even if it is unfair, but I should not ask her about delays coz I am younger than her!

This is the thing with our country, isn’t it? The word RESPECT is not defined correctly. They call it culture. They call it values. They call it tradition. I call it b**l s**t. 

Respect is something every human being is entitled to. The amount of respect a person deserves may depend on – being human, outward cleanliness and personal hygiene, social ethics and one’s beliefs & acts. In a professional setting- one’s education and position, and in social setting- senior citizens, handicapped people, pregnant women and sick people get higher preference. I say preference here, and not respect though it is misconstrued a lot in our country. Isn’t a Janitor as much of a human as a firm’s Partner. Doesn’t a child / teenager deserves as much of respect as senior citizen in a bus / train / party?

NO ONE is entitled to be unfair or arrogant or manipulative and take the world for granted because of age! The time ticks the same for all and the world revolves the same for all. 

Below are some of the social thoughts around the older generation, and my personal beliefs.

Older people are Gods, they should be worshiped – they are humans just like everyone else. 

They have the right to take all decisions – only when it concerns them, and to an extent, their dependant under-aged children. Above 18ers deserve to make their own decisions. Older generation can guide, consult, and support if they wish to. 

They know the best, they know it all, they are always right, they don’t make mistakes – they, like any other human beings, they can most definitely be wrong and should have the humility to accept that. Their experience can definitely be a perspective to consider, and might bring many new angles to the table, but that doesn’t mean they are always right. 

It’s ok if they are unfair and unjust, they don’t have to be brought to justice, they should not be challenged, they should not be questioned, they need not apologize as they are older – No one has the right to be unfair or hurtful or unjust to anyone – age no bar, caste no bar, religion no bar, sex no bar. Anyone who does a mistake can be and should be held responsible and brought to justice, and at the very least, apologize for their mistakes.

IT IS NOT SAD IF SOME ONE OLDER THAN YOU MAKES A MISTAKE AND APOLOGIZES TO YOU! It is the right thing to do! YOU DON’T HAVE TO FEEL GUILTY FOR BEING APOLOGIZED TO! A person apologizing doesn’t look bad, in fact earns more respect by acknowledging their mistake.

Younger people around them have adjust to them, they don’t have to adjust to anyone – I don’t have to adjust to ANYONE beyond my tolerable point. My daughter doesn’t have to adjust to me beyond her limit either! And I shouldn’t expect her to. In fact, the older I become, the more understanding I should become, and more tolerant and adjusting that should make me. Adjustment is mutual, if someone doesn’t adjust to me, I am NOT OBLIGED to adjust to them because of their age – and this is NOT DISRESPECT. 

Raping is a sin (also a crime); But so are others like  insulting someone, depriving any human being of freedom, fundamental rights and self-respect in the pretext of being older, hurting anyone – be it  a child or an animal, considering oneself superior and others inferior, being arrogantly proud and egotistical. God doesn’t weigh good and bad based on age. Law doesn’t change no matter what the age of the convict is. 

Old age can be entitled for a separate queue, sympathies and support; NOT an excuse for boosting self-egos, making mistakes and stomping over youth on the grounds of culture / tradition / values. 

Respect is earned, not forced out using threats and blackmails. Respect should be given at will, not under pressure. Respect should be deserved.

My Choice

DISCLAIMER: The contents of this post are not meant to be offensive and definitely to the general population. It is just another post with no double/triple meanings or inner implications or any other intentions, just plainly right from heart.

A lot of things that some of the NRIs I know been saying saying about me that has been pissing me off for quite some time. But something that a dumb pampered distant relative with rich parents and no idea of the actual meaning of life or reality said quite recently about me and my life and my choices kind of ticked me off a lot. It was like a spillover from a bowl that has been getting filled for quite some time now. The first thing that came up in my mind was:

House: "Spoken like a true circle queen."

Cameron looks at him funny.

House: "See, skinny, socially privileged white people get to draw this neat little circle. And everyone inside the circle is normal. Everyone outside the circle needs to be beaten, broken, and reset so they can be brought into the circle. Failing that, they should be institutionalized, or worse, pitied."

Cameron: "So it's wrong to feel sorry for this little boy?"

House: "Why would you feel sorry for someone who gets to opt out of the inane courteous formalities which are utterly meaningless, insincere, and therefore degrading? This kid doesn't have to pretend to be interested in your back pain or your excretions or your grandma's itchy place. Can you imagine how liberating it would be to live a life free of all the mind-numbing social niceties? I don't pity this kid. I envy him."

I am not comparing anyone here with anyone I am referring to, including myself. But what he says is almost always the absolute and unarguable fact, which people sometimes in real lives just refuse to accept because of their own circles.

So here is some clarification for the sake of all the above mentioned circle kings and queens.

This is for the people who keep wondering: Why are you not doing a foreign MS?
1. I have chosen not to do an MS simply coz I was, and still am not a fan of 'an-MS-in-US' concept, and I specifically wanted to get a few years of work-ex before an MBA.
2. I do not feel the pressing need to race the world in getting settled in some foreign land and get an NRI title, coz I am fully happy and satisfied in what I am here, what I have here, what I get here and who I am with here.
3. I chose not to study immediately after graduating with 2 degrees simply coz I was and I still am, sick of studying. I will probably just go and murder anyone who asks me to take a test or study some course at least for some time in the near future.
4. I joined a good company after passing out coz just like a lot of people, I too wanted self-earned-money, quality experience and an identity other than a college kid. I am extremely happy with what I have now and I DEFINITELY don’t envy or judge anyone who has taken along a different path of life.

This is for the people who just can't get over the question: Why are you working in a field that is not relevant to your degrees?
5. I took up a job in a field that may not appear too relevant to my degrees because, one of my degrees is useful only for research purposes, which I am not a fan of, and to be an expert in the other degree, I had to do an MS, and not what I wanted either.
6. The job I am in gives me most of what I want and a good percentage of what I need, and that is how much any human (not an Indian, any human) working anywhere would expect. Even a professional bungee jumper would have at least 10 things to brood and complain about his job!

I could go around asking people, about why you had chosen to get settled in US when you were born and brought up in India. No matter if you are studying or working there, you still are an Indian by birth. No matter how much you fake your accent or eat burgers for lunch or wipe your ass with a tissue, you would still not be accepted as an American there. But I certainly won't ask any of that coz its rude to intrude and I certainly won't judge you. I would respect the fact that you are educated, have brains and are old enough to think and set your priorities and choose what you feel is right for you.

Please note, I have NOT attempted GRE or any other exams even once, so I am NOT in a 'the-grapes-are-sour' state. I am simply not interested right now.

Also, I am NOT in any way against NRIs. In fact, I know a lot of sane and sensible NRIs whom I respect and admire a lot; so many relatives and friends. But I am a 100% against the those who sit around judging me for being me and not them!

I am also not against people's suggestions. They are all welcome. But just understand that the final decision is all mine. I shall go abroad when I wish to or when I choose to, and not just because some narrow minded people happened to have low opinions of me or insult my parents for my decisions. My parents have given me full freedom to decide my life and they give all the respect in the world to my choices and for that, I am extremely thankful to them.

And finally, there is only one thing I would like to say - Climb out of your holes, people!

Ex

When people lie right on one’s face, I just don’t understand how easy it seems to them. Coz for me, lying, with or without a valid reason, is extremely difficult! I am as pathetic as Joe Tribbiani(FRIENDS-season 9 epi 8) in lying!! Giving false reasons in the right places and hiding the right amount of facts from the right person or manipulating the truth here and there to serve some useful purpose, is still, may be at some level, acceptable and understandable and forgivable. But again, lying blatantly and shamelessly thinking that the person listening doesn’t know or wouldn’t find out, is highly dumb and cheap!

There were a couple of guys on campus who were well known to lie about marks and grades and how they were the top of the course when the whole mark list was displayed on the notice board and they were in fact, one among the last, and about how girls went fida over them when all the girls ridiculed them big time, and even about some imaginary girl friend back home… but these guys portrayed their character as dumb idiotic weak insecure and with a very high inferiority complex, and got black listed! But hey, they were just students, and they were obviously trying to get a girl by showing off, and even though they miserably failed at their purpose, they did actually have one!

And here is this boss of mine, an ex-boss from tomorrow, who has the talent of lying and exaggerating and manipulating the facts even without a purpose, just because he can! Now that is not stupid, that is sadism! I can hardly understand how someone about 30 yrs old, who in reality hardly works at all (though pushes his subordinates work even without lunch or dinner), can act so cheap and earn the disrespect and hatred of everyone around, and still be ignorant of the fact that, well, his secret- that he is a sadist and an egoist and knows much lesser than a no of his subordinates- is not really a secret at all!! Well, whatever. From the list of lessons that I have learnt in the past 6 months, the entire sub-list of how-a-team-leader-shouldnot-be comes from him.

When a truck loaded with sand comes in the wrong direction, it is the bike that should leave way and stand aside, or simply take another route avoiding the sand truck. Instead if the bike tries to go head-on with the truck just coz it has only mud or coz the bike is in the right direction while the truck isn’t, the damage is entirely to the bike and the people on it. The sand truck would have no impact at all, right?

In any case, I am glad I have finally gotten the opportunity to leave the highly unorganized road and take a much better way,a whole new direction, thanks to God-who-finally-listened/Luck-that-changed-at-last/Good-time-that-has-arrived/Hardwork-and-sincerity-that-eventually-paid-off.

Who the hell are you?!?

When 2 people meet, there are 3 possibilities:

1. Neither of them know one another, in which case they just walk away without any problems (mostly, I think..)!
2. Both of them know each other and wish/greet/acknowledge their familiarity.
3. One knows the other but the other way.

The third case, I believe, is very common these days, and frequent in my life. At such times when we get to meet or are obliged to make conversation with someone who happens to know us, and yet are strangers to us, what the hell are we supposed to say?

Usually if it’s a relative and I can roughly guess who they are looking at the people around them, I fake an all-knowing-and-understanding smile and talk about general stuff, politely inquire their health/wellbeing and before I get caught, I get the hell out of there. In such places, the words ‘aunty’ and ‘uncle’ helps loads!

However, what happens if they just call out of the blue and you happen to pick up the call up? Or they knock on your door when you are alone at home and you open the door?

In the first case, I usually just ask who they are and then if they mock at me about not knowing them, I just make up stories like poor transmission or voice not clear or instrument fault or simply say that I was sleeping before the call!

In the latter’s case, what I tend to do is give a non-committal smile and look at them with polite, yet mild surprise. Smart people who can actually tell that the poor dear standing opposite doesn’t recognize them, they introduce themselves and all will be fine.

Nevertheless, there are also some stupid people, who don’t understand the mind expressions or gestures, and wait for US to initiate. I try asking them very courteously, “Uh.. hmm..Sorry.. But who are you?” Again, people with even a little decency tell who they are, may be some identification, explain some relationship or from where they are. The others, I guess, are just too dumb take the cue. Some (idiots) pose riddles, while others (fools) demand, ”Why? Don’t you know me?”

Now wait a minute! What the F do they think? If I had known who they were, WHY THE HELL WOULD I EVEN ASK’M? Such dumb acts only lower their own dignity and self respect, I say! And to these half-wits, I just can’t help replying with fake-patience-plus-light-sarcasm, “No… No I don’t! So, again, Who are you?!?”

If they still refuse to answer the out-right question, the only possible thing that can be done, is shutting the door on their faces to show that they were definitely not recognized and their dumb-wits were certainly not entertained!!

Wrong Attitude?!?

Navaratri time, loads of relatives to visit. Since I am agnostic (more of an atheist these days), it doesn’t mean much to me. But I usually hate this time of the year.. the whole festival in general; though it’s a pretty vibrant atmosphere with hyper-active people buzzing around various colorful idols and all. There are two main reasons.

When I was young, I was sent to classical music lessons, probably right from when I was three. I used to learn it sincerely, practice it meticulously. As I grew up, so did my self-consciousness. But my parents, being ‘parents’, couldn’t see this, and continuously encouraged me to sing in public, in front of relatives and especially in ‘Navarathri/Dassara’ times when they all met up in everybody’s houses and young girls were made to sing to ‘God’ while they sat around staring at the poor embarrassed creature, commenting about her, her voice, her skills, compare it with every other ‘budding singer’ whom they had come across while the little singing girl would be secretly wishing to disapparate from there and apparate in the North Pole.

Years of experience in such singing-in-front-of-people embarrassment and hundreds of arguments and fights with parents and millions of curses from them, I quit classical music with a lot of hatred and aversion to both singing and Navarathri days and as a bitter disappointment to my parents since I had failed to fulfill their dream! But at least they don’t force me these days since I am much older and I tend not to stick around them much when the old ‘music’ topic is rekindled.

Second reason is stronger these days, which is being with curious gossipy ‘know-it-all’ relatives who judge anyone who thinks differently and bitch about everyone who does not follow their rules. Today’s get-together proved to be enjoyable mostly; until they all started discussing the topic I hate the most- marriages. They were discussing about how one of my cousins, 26 now, was weeping a whole day refusing to take a man’s hand, who was more than 7 yrs elder than her and who wanted her to leave her job here in India and move to US as his ‘house-wife’. Educated male chauvinistic bastard is what I would call him. Then when I started saying that it actually made sense, and that it was her call and people should mind their own business and not emotionally blackmail her, they all started targeting me!

There is a family friend, well educated girl, marrying an American colleague and so all of her relatives are abandoning her and her family. She fell in love with him and decided to tie the knot with him despite the hell of objections because she was so damn frustrated with her religion and caste’s pathetic ridiculous superstitious beliefs in horoscope and her birth-star being unpopular for girls and bringing ‘bad luck’ to the groom and his family and the grooms in her caste demanding 6 lakhs as dowry.

In fact another reason she is doing this is because her life is more comfortable with him than it probably would be with any South Indian, and especially, any guy of her caste. He, being an American, believes that his wife has her own life, understands concepts like ‘privacy’, and most importantly, in sharing daily chores like cooking, washing plates & clothes and cleaning and shopping, and takes equal part in it with pleasure, which most of the guys here would certainly fail to oblige!

To this, my paati(grandmom) went on about how women are responsible for all these and they shouldn’t trouble men with them and how women are born to cook and clean and serve men and how men should be manly and just earn, eat and sleep. When I said otherwise, I realized it was a mistake simply coz I had no one to back me up. I was a single person up against all the stereotype elders who now started sniggering at my ‘attitude’. Finally, I just gave it up when my mom was giving me murderous looks and they too ended with a conclusion that my parents were going to have a really difficult time in looking for ‘a suitable guy’ for me and that when they do find a ‘match’, they should probably not let me talk to him before marriage coz then, I might scare him away with my ‘equality attitude’ and ask him if he knows cooking or likes cleaning and might just never get married!!

And now I am so damn pissed with all this nonsense but decided that all I could do at present was avoid relatives when they start talking nonsense stuff, give up on trying to figure out a way to jump to Jupiter and not worry about my future and simply enjoy House MD!

Cameron: "Men should grow up."
House: "Yeah, and dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not going to happen."

Yeah... I do love him!

The World Needs a Super Hero!

The racist attacks in Aus on harmless Indian students whose only crime was to farewell in acads and in jobs, while the aussies weren’t as good, and were driven to this point merely by their own insecurities, is just shocking! I mean how lower could they fall? Feelings like these just don’t burst out suddenly! They must have been pent-up for ages! If they thought that Indians were such a competition, then why don’t they just work harder and prove that they are as good! How cheap is it to physically hurt an enemy (as if their feelings towards Indians aren’t obvious!), when he is, infact unarmed. But then I really cant help questioning the Indians either, as to why they still risk walking alone on Aus roads, or even don’t fight back(Oh no! I definitely did not mean the ‘Gandhian way’. See what happened? Even the Aus police are clearly against them.)
May be Indians should start going out in groups, be well armed and hurt the attacking racist mob back, so that they never dare hurt another Indian in their remaining life. I am definitely not suggesting starting a war. But walking away, beaten up by brainless jobless gits for no mistake of theirs is as shameful too, and does infact portray Indians as soft and easy targets as they claim! If we are not as soft and cowardly as they say, then SHOW THEM! If the Aus govt doesn’t see a problem arising at all, if they really are deaf and blind to the obviousness of the situation, then they are playing an active part in the racist movement too. Why don’t they just gather their balls and jus tell the Indians to leave their country alive, and outright?
And here are our dear politicians, walking, talking and thinking in slow motion! Well, obviously, if they take immediate steps, even though people would benefit, they’ll also forget it as fast. The men-in-power want the whole issue to blow up as much as possible so that when they actually do something, they will be able to flaunt it in next elections and gain votes. They are just making news and talking a lot, just like the post-26/11 attacks.
Now that issue is even more ridiculous. Kasab’s trial, his sneering jeering comments and smirks over the accusations, with our dear darling Indian police and military wiping his dribble and washing his poop and feeding him with nutritious diet, when people like him and the masterminds like Hafiz Mohammad Saeed who has actually been acquitted and freed of all charges, don’t deserve a fair/unfair trial at all! All they deserve is to be executed publicly, right on the Rajpath, in front of the India Gate. That would show the terrorists where they stand and what their fate will be if they even so much as set foot on Indian soil with any wrong ideas. But they know just as we do, that Indian politicians are spine-less useless softie-pants who would even bear seeing poor helpless Indians suffer, but never have the heart to give terrorists what they deserve. Even they know how corrupt the post-bearing people are, how corruption starts from the lowest levels and how high all these things run and how Indian politicians are highly predictable and over-ride the military, and can really be taken for-granted. They know that they can get away with anything, without as much as even a scratch on them!
The past few days, have been really horrid, not only in our country. Over 2,000 civilians massacred in Srilanka, even after the war was clearly over, suicide bombs in parts of Somalia and Pak, financial crisis all over the world; Yesterday and today kind of reaching the peak, in all parts of the world. A lot of people have suffered physically and mentally and psychologically. Air France crash taking down around 228 people along with it, their bodies never to be found, about 35 people dead in a bus crash, drowned in Chambal lake, over 400 teenagers taken hostage by the Taliban (who have now been released though, but imagine the plight of parents when their home-returning kinds are in the hands of the mercy-less terrorists!), GM going belly-up leading to a possible unemployment of over thousands, students protesting and suiciding over the smallest of issues like tests and marks.
My mom said that it was high time ‘Kalki’ came to the rescue of humans, or there might not be left any in the future. Kalki is the tenth avatar of Lord Vishnu, who is prophesied to come riding on a horse back, to the rescue of the innocent from the hands of modern-day asuras. Now when they had prophesied this, they might not have thought of predicted the emergence of sophisticated motorized vehicles. But you know what I think? I think ‘Kali’ is simply a super-hero, who could have fallen from a ‘Krypton’ or simply has billions of money and a brave heart to use it against criminals. Kali could emerge from a space-ship or a limousine or a horse-back (as predicted). But right now, the world could really use a Superman!