Another Killer

There are loads of things that kill people- slowly/instantly/painfully/painlessly. Very often, one finds these clichéd phrases.

Smoking kills.

Alcohol kills.

Tobacco kills.

Cancer kills.

AIDS kills.

Earthquake kills.

War kills.

Carbon-monoxide kills.

After a month in Bangalore, I have realized another potential cause of death.

Boredom kills people!At least it kills me! Slowly and painfully!

School life was full of studies n tests n music classes n hobbies like painting n playing basket ball n all. Never knew what boredom was.

My college life was delightful too. It was the golden period of my 22 year lifespan. (: P)Enjoyed every bit of it; though had some trouble in coping up when there were too many things to do all at the same time. Again there, I used to pray for a few minutes just to laze around. A few minutes to breathe, and not think or talk or do anything at all- just snuggle into my cozy razai in the dark silent room of mine, just staring into an imaginary abyss.But I hardly got a chance to do that back then; always running around at some pretext or another, though mostly, I enjoyed it all lot.

I never understood what my mom and my grand mom meant when they said that I was lucky to have my hands full. I always thought of how lucky they were with nothing to care about, no difficult schedule, no routine assignments or project meetings or tests and all. They had all the time for themselves!!But now, I see what they had always meant. With loads of things to do and so many places to be, I was actually alive. Now, though I have got what I might have wanted, the silence, the darkness, the nothing-to-do state of mind, I find that this huge dark bubble that seems to have engulfed my whole life has left nothing but a void space inside me; and is too much to bear.

People say- software kills creativity. I think boredom kills creativity. It destroys one’s enthusiasm to do anything. It murders one’s passion.I remember I used to state a number of hobbies before, I suddenly don’t feel like continuing any of those or pursuing any new ones. I feel so jaded, that I don’t understand what I should to the next instant. I am afraid this ‘boredom syndrome’ would last for ever.

Here is a huge list of the common day-to-day things that I m now bored of, and some I do bcoz I have to, and some I have stopped doing simply as I am bored rigid to do and some I no longer want to do as I am fed up of trying.

Ø Eating the same old

Idlys/dosas/vadas/pooris/rice/sambar/chappati/gravy/upma/pongal/pizza/noodles/bread/bun/biscuits/thattai/murukku/sweets

Ø Drinking milk/tea/juice/even water

Ø Sleeping

Ø Cleaning my house

Ø Bathing

Ø Combing my hair (that actually takes an awfully long time these days!)

Ø Of deciding which dress to wear

Ø Of searching for appropriate accessories for each dress

Ø Changing clothes while going out even to the nearest potti-kadai

Ø Going to malls for ‘window shopping’

Ø Seeing numerous couples: a senseless guy with some dumb straight-haired fair-skinned female laughing at stupid humor-less jokes

Ø Reading

Ø Watching movies/sitcoms/video songs in comp (since I don’t have a TV)

Ø Browsing through net

Ø Mailing/chatting/Orkutting

Ø Trying to find new friends through net and acquaint with them and start over from ‘hobbies/likes/dislikes’

Ø Endlessly crapping in the presence of an awkward company

Ø Listening to same old songs

Ø Singing/humming along

Ø Sitting in an air-conditioned room full of strangers wearing sweaters, wondering why they couldn’t just switch the damn ACs off!

Ø Trying to engage myself

Ø of feeling Bored!!

Ø My sick ever-annoying cold

Ø Nostalgia that seems to swallow me very often these days

Ø Going on long endless walks

Ø Ceiling-staring

Ø Cribbing n grumbling to

family/friends/cousins/acquaintances/strangers

Ø Thinking

Ø Worrying

Ø Dreaming

Ø Hoping for miracles

Ø Trying to do something useful, some feasible hobby

Ø Trying to think of something to study that could add to my useless resume

Ø Trying to think of my future/career

Ø Trying to find company to be, to sit n talk, to go out, to eat with

Ø Events taking a 180 ° turn (definitely not a favourable way!!)

Ø Things going totally out of control

Ø Trying to make the present place as comfortable as possible

Ø Making sense of confusing situations

Ø Reasoning out failures

Ø Correcting my mistakes

Ø Fighting with myself

Ø Consoling myself for being solely responsible for being in the present situation as I am

Ø All prayers going futile

As Elie Wiesel’s quote goes, “The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference.” This ennui creates an indifference to everything. It virtually leaves the affected one tasteless, passionless and mindless. This lack of energy, enthu, concern, sympathy, creativity, imagination, dreams, satisfaction, love, faith is what I call, a road to death while living.