Tuesday, August 12, 2008


People change; especially after each important chapter in their lives. Some people change slowly n gradually. They analyze and modify themselves, a little here n there, to suit their present scenario. They forge their character the right way and chisel off some of their old dead ways. Yet, their basic traits remain the same.

There are some others who undergo a mutational transform in a new environment so that the new community doesn’t have to know the old them and thus, can start afresh in that new world, leaving back all the traces of their old beliefs, their old habits, likes n dislikes. These people, I believe, have a weak character. They do not really have faith in their own thoughts/beliefs/actions/habits/culture. They simply look at the crowd and just flow along. They don’t think of their past bcoz they don’t feel proud of it. They either are ashamed of it or they don’t have the guts enough to face the world with their true nature or they simply have loads n loads of inferiority complex and very less confidence on themselves. They generally try to blend with the crowd, blindly following the people they consider a role-model in the new place, not even pausing to think of the transformation that they are undergoing. They don’t keep in touch with their old friends, rather with anyone associated with previous life, especially those who were pretty close; close enough to know about them in and out, enough to know what they had been, what they had thought, what they had said and what they had done in their time together. They are either afraid that their history would come to front and cause embarrassment and shame in the new place or may be they just cant face their old friends as a new reformed person. They simply shut the door to past under some stupid pretext as not having enough time or resources to maintain drop a line. If you get to meet some of these people sometime in future, they don’t even dare look into your eyes while speaking! Duh!! How more uncomfortable could the situation be?!

Here is a simple theory: X and Y are thick childhood friends. X changes to X` after his/her college life and loses contact with Y, who is mutationally robust. Sometime later in life, when X’ and Y meet, X` obviously will not be comfortable with Y anymore bcoz Y was X ’s friend not (X`)’s. This could hurt Y but I guess that is how it has to be as far as X` is concerned. Y is a history to X`, just like X. X` doesn’t hate Y. X` is just indifferent to Y.

Changes in a person’s character are not wrong. They are not illegal. They are not sinful. Changes lead to evolution. Changes help in shaping a man’s character. But I feel that those transformations that don’t modify the existing nature instead give a whole new personality, are not healthy. A person is judged by consistency of behaviour and by the amount of progress made and number of lessons learnt and applied after each episode of life. I would personally not respect one who has an up-side-down makeover of values, beliefs, likes, ideas, conduct and character after each stage of life. That is just unacceptable. I would most definitely lose face with a person like that, and may not even regret it. I guess, a little hard though it may be to lose a friend to changing times, the most practical and most sensible deed for Y would be to let go of X.


  1. very well written! n it s such a common scenario these days where a friend doesnt recognize a friend! But they can't be blamed entirely- it s the world tht we live in- had made ppl so busy tht even a flash of the past can slow down their future! for most ppl, it has become normal not wanting to peep into the past.. coz they feel tht they have a better life than their past ones.. ! neway- perfect write- up! :)

  2. i guess u r right abt 1 thing- abt even gud friends not finding time. found dis poem in a site.. was nice. Around The Corner:(Charles Hanson Towne)

    Around the corner I have a friend
    In this great city that has no end;
    Yet days go by, and weeks rush on,
    And before I know it, a year is gone,

    And I never see my old friend’s face,
    For life is a swift and terrible race.
    He knows I like him just as well
    As in the days when I rang his bell

    And he rang mine.

    We were younger then,
    And now we are busy, tired men;
    Tired with trying to make a name
    Tired with playing a foolish game,

    ‘Tomorrow,’ I say, ‘I will call on Jim,
    Just to show that I’m thinking of him.’
    But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
    And the distance between us grows and grows.

    Around the corner!— yet miles away ...
    ‘Here’s a telegram, sir.
    Jim died today.’

    And that’s what we get and deserve in the end
    Around the corner, a vanished friend.